Friday, 05 June 2009

• If you can't read this, you're illiterate...

  •The trouble with life is there's no background music.
  
  •Laughter is a tranquilizer with no side effects.
  
  •If evolution really works, why do mothers only have two hands?
  
  •The universe is a figment of its own imagination.
  
  •A chrysanthemum by any other name would be much easier to spell
  
  •The weather is here. Wish you were beautiful.
  
  •The value of a dog is its constant reminder of how much fun it is to act idiotic.
  
  •There is no future in time travel.
  
  •Light bulb's love declaration: I love you a whole watt!
  
  •I used to eat a lot of natural foods, until I learned that most people die of natural causes.
  
  •This country is rapidly proving to be a place with two cars in every garage, neither of them paid for.
  
  •Spring is wonderful. It makes you feel young enough to do all the things you're old enough, to know you can't.
  
  •The formula for a happy marriage is the same as for living in California: when you find a fault, don't dwell on it.
  
  •If I begin to procrastinate today instead of tomorrow, would that be considered self-improvement?
  
  •I sure miss the days when someone else pumped your gas and checked your tires for you. . . .moreover, it was even cheaper back then.
  
  •The poor person eats potato soup and the rich person, vichyssoise.
  
  •If you can't read this, you're illiterate.
  
  •There is no elevator to success; you have to take the stairs.
  
  •Humpty Dumpty had a great fall but winter didn't look too promising.
  

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